she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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