oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
