i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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