dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
