Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
