Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
