We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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