how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
