Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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