these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
