Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
