Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
