I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
