i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
