I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
