I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
