Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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