Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
