I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
