I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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