I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
