just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
