some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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