i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
