There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
