You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
