I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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