when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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