I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
