you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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