i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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