I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
