I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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