ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
