making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
