Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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