Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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