I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
