I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
