whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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