my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
