i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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