your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
