a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He passed out mid-signature
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
