toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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