What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
