Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
