we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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