How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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