I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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