that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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