I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
