for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
