You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Everything about him screamed your future.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
