Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
