you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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