I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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