I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize