I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
