There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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