ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
