They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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