just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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