I hate your face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
