11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
