But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
